I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
