I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
