I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
