He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
