You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
