note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
tell me about the fingering
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