It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
