there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
