I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
