I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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