I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
