You can't motorboat a personality
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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