do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
