i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
