oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize