you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
