Did you just see the Batmobile???
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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