Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize