you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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