Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
