In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
