Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love having hate sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
