Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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