i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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