You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
