I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
BRING THE BAGELS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
