I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
