you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
