i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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