you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
