i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we're making bets on your personal life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
