ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
