Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
