Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
