just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
