Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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