the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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