i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
