omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
