the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
