It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
