; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
