anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
