i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
