Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
