so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
