Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
