So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
