sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
