hell yes lets make some ravioli
My underwear smells like fireworks.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
