Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
