remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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