Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
