she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
