He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
