Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
