Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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