You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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