Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
