At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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