I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
