i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
