A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
id be glad to
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
