I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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