Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
