do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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