just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
