so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
