Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
