I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize