I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
