I will die if light touches me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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