i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
