I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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