Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
