Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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