i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
