hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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