I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
bring money and cleavage
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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