Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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