she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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