Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
