where am i from again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
