i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
