Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
