The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
