Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
