he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
