I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize