So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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