I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
