How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need a shit load of segways right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
