just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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