So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
