my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
