Define "chronic" masturbator.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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