my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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