So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
