like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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