God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
