Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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