ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
