So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
