you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
