They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize