you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
